In a viral post on social media, a man who “isolates” his wife and refuses to let her get a job is stunning the internet.
Published to Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the username u/DorothyNoBrickRoad shared her story and has received over 4,000 comments from the “AITA” community. The viral post also has over 13,000 upvotes.
The Redditor began her post by explaining how she met her husband, “John,” in New Orleans (where they currently reside) when she was working as a waitress. One thing lead to another, and they got married. Now, she is three months pregnant.
Recently, John and her mother-in-law inherited a large farm in Kansas from his father who recently passed away. John wanted to move to Kansas to help his mother take care of the farm and thought raising a child there would be better. Though OP didn’t want to move, she agreed because it meant a lot to her husband.
“When we got there, I was surprised how big and isolated the farm was. My husband and I share one car and his mother has another. I asked to take the car the other day to go to town to look for jobs but he sat me down and told me it wouldn’t be very practical for me to have a job atm because we only have 2 cars for 3 people and they can’t spare one for me to take for 8 hours a day and they can’t drive me to and from work when there’s so much to be done on the farm,” she wrote.
Though unhappy with the decision, she thought it made sense. The original poster (OP) decided to look for some work-from-home jobs in the meantime. She discussed this with her husband, telling him that she would need better internet since their current provider is slow. He told her that work-from-home jobs were “scams” and that he needed his laptop for his job. She let it go since she didn’t want to create an argument.
During a family gathering, John’s sister and her sister-in-law asked the OP why she didn’t want to be a stay-at-home mother. When she explained why, they told her that she should “think of family first” and follow tradition since both of them are also stay-at-home moms. When the OP told them she would get bored in the house, they told her to “listen to her husband.”
She wrote, “When everyone left, John came to our bedroom and we had our first, massive argument. He told me I embarrassed him in front of his family. He told me he can’t believe how heartless I am being and that I clearly don’t care enough for our baby to stay home and raise him. He called me an a**hole and told me it’s best if I slept in [the] guest room for a few nights.
“He hasn’t spoken to me since and his mother told me I hurt him and all of them by refusing to carry on family tradition of being a [stay-at-home mom] and that I am bringing shame to him, showing that he can’t support his family,” she concluded.
Newsweek reached out to u/DorothyNoBrickRoad for comment.
Isolation can be a sign of an abusive relationship. Warning signs that isolation is being used as an abuse tactic include: if your partner demands plenty of one-on-one time with you; if they don’t want to see any of your family or friends; if they “invent” reasons why you shouldn’t hang out with their friends; if your partner is easily made jealous and uses emotional manipulation against you; and if they need to know all of your passwords and check in on you all the time, per therapycts.com.
There are plenty of resources and tips on how to help you out of a controlling relationship. According to marriage.com, talk to people you trust—whether it’s a family member or friend, set boundaries; have a safety plan in place; have a serious sit-down talk with your partner; and don’t have a change of heart. If things get worse, cease all contact with them.
Redditors were quick to take OP’s side.
“This is screaming isolation tactics. [Not the a**hole],” u/chiitaku warned the OP, receiving the top comment of over 32,000 upvotes. “[Not the a**hole]. Get out of that house NOW. You do not want to be trapped on an isolated farm in Kansas with no money of your own, no car, and a baby. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get away.”
“[Not the a**hole]. This is how abusive relationship start. He has already managed to isolate you frim friends and family. He is now getting his family against you and trying to make you financially dépendent on him. Pack your bags, go back to NOLA and file for divorce,” u/Primary-Criticism929 explained.
“[Not the a**hole] and also he sounds a bit controlling, you’re allowed to want to work and do things, it doesn’t make you selfish at all and he needs to back off. You don’t need him and his backwards thinking, you’re not a brood mare or an object to be owned and forced to do things his way,” u/CharismaPoison commented.